Things I Wants and Dreams

I’m always a little behind the times, playing catch-up.  But I’ve learned to accept this as my status quo.  I’m still blogging along with Effy Wild, this is my day two, while everyone else is on day three.  What do I want?  I want a time-machine.  I’d give anything to be able to go back to talk to myself – to warn myself – of all the ways I was wasting time.

I listened to what other people wanted for me.  They told me not to take that particular set of subjects at school I had chosen for myself (Art, Biology, English) because it was a very strange combination.  They told me it was impossible to make a decent career in the Arts.  They warned me about constant rejections, penny pinching and all those scary kinds of things.  I took Biology, Chemistry and Maths.  I suck at maths.

So I did everything I should do according to the people I was being brought up by and taught.  Except I was difficult with it.  I was never happy.  I didn’t fit into the career path and the system I was taught was the best thing for me.

I married young ‘well’, but wrongly – I managed 10 years, and was divorced in my early 30’s.  I did a Biology Degree, and ended up working in an office full time, doing Administration.  I’ve been doing Administration for over 20 years.  I want to get out of the office!

But I am lucky in life take two, so far – I married well the second time (having learned everything I didn’t want in the first marriage so I could make better choices in this one).  I love our little home – its quirky and stuffed full of beady things and telescopes.

And yet, I’ve hit the mid-life crisis point.  I’m mourning 40 years of time not spent well.  I’m only just learning how to bloom where I’m planted – I’m a very late bloomer.  I desperately want and dream of making my living doing art – writing, weaving, beading, painting.  I want a life of meaning, connection, love and healing.

I have big plans.  This is completely lacking in the specifics…but my big aim is to inspire people to reconnect with the wild places, their weird and wonderful selves – to witness and nurture the all the ones who want to run with the wolves (blatant reference to Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who was the mother of my awakening).  I want to find and support my tribe.  And above all, I wish for belonging.

6 thoughts on “Things I Wants and Dreams

  1. I can relate to doing what others think you’re supposed to do. Only in my case, I was encouraged to do nothing. Don’t be a teacher because you hate school, don’t be a nurse because you hate the sight of blood and needles, don’t go to college because it’s a waste of time.
    Your words in this post really speak to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m a day behind too, so don’t worry about that. The whole thing about only just finding the life you really want. I’m 46 and 27 years ago I quit a teacher training degree because I was pregnant. 3 years ago I got a job in a school. One of the parts of my job description is “RE support”, well, when the first teacher handed me the curriculum and said “There you go, do what you want with it” I started teaching. 24 years after I quit, I stood in front of a class of kids and taught! It’s never too late to fulfill those dreams, it just might not look the way we always thought it would. Hmmm, I’ve gone on looooong here huh? Maybe I’ll expand this into a post later in the month.

    Liked by 1 person

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